Circus

Just now, I talked to my friend about my plan of writing a book. I told her that I want to write spirituality book about Circus and how we could learn from them. But she thought I was having fever! That was RUDE! Actually, I can't blame her, it sounds a little bit funny. I'll write an introduction in the next few paragraphs.

The whole idea about the Circus started when I listen to Don't Cry Out Loud by Diana DeGarmo.

Baby cried the day the circus came to town
'cause she didn't want parades just passin' by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about her 'cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken 'cause you see
She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told her

I tried to reflect on the song and get to the scenario. It gives me a whole new perspective of Circus. I'm no longer the audience, but I am part of the troupe. I imagine them travel around as a community (a troupe) and they create larger community with the audience. So they are able to bring people together (to watch them perform) and when they perform they invite the audience to have the sense of unity through togetherness, laughters, applause, etc.

When we come back* to Mass, we might not know who the person sitting next to us but we come as a community of God's people. Singing/reciting in unison expresses the sense of unity in the Church. As we are amazed with the Circus, we should also be awed (correct verb?) with what happens on the altar. We are brought back to the Calvary! foot of the Cross! What happened 2000 years ago is happening again at Mass. I don't think anyone could understand fully how this happens. Not too worry, it's a mystery of faith. We shouldn't try to understand it with our brain. We should give our full attention to what happen; how the bread and wine change to body and blood of Christ during the consecration.

In the Circus, my favourite is Flying Trapeze. It's simple perfomance and yet elegant. They don't even need to talk when they do the acts, yet people still pay full attention to them. Well, they really need to work together, because there's a danger that the flyer could fall. So between the flyer and the catcher there must be trust. The flyer have to trust the catcher completely; that he will be able to catch, thus prevent him from falling. When there is mutual trust, the flyer could fly freely without being afraid that the catcher will fail to do his job.
Reflection: Can we trust God completely that he will be able to catch us when we fall? Do we still have doubt in mind when we 'fly'? Or we don't trust Him at all that we refuse to fly freely?

You might not be able to relate with the Flying Trapeze, don't worry, because there is always a clown! People love clown, probably because they could see themselves in him. A failure, a joker, you name it! The clown implicitly tells us that it's okay to fail, to make mistake, to laugh at ourselves. Actually, the clown doesn't do the perfomance alone. He needs audience (community) to support him, he'll be a BIG failure if he fails to bring smile and laughters to the audience. The audience is made up of different people who come for different reasons. There are people who come to laugh at the clown, but there are those who come to laugh with the clown because they could see themselves doing the foolish things that the clown does.

After writing so much, I don't know whether you can understand what I wrote. If you could understand half of it, then it's more than good already. =)

*I used the word 'come back' because we are sent out to the world in the Mass (Go...), thus when we attend Mass, we actually come back to Mass.

~The End~ (?)

I just finished posting my last entry to the BlogFest. Time flies! It has been a wonderful and frustrating 5 weeks. There were times I was so stressed up (Week 3!), but most of the time it's been great. I would like to quote Karl Keating, the founder of Catholic Answer, "To the extent any good comes from it, the credit is God's. To the extent any harm comes, the blame is [mine]. [I] hope there will be much good and little harm."

I wanna thank everyone, especially the people in-charge and fellow participants. I definitely enjoyed myself participating in this BlogFest. I learnt alot, especially about Catholicism and the art of blogging.

I may continue blogging here in the future as writing has been my passion since I was young. It's just, my handwriting isn't good so I didn't write a lot (because no one will read it!). However, technology changed everything. With Computer, Internet, and Weblog, I can share my thoughts easily with others. Thank you all! =)

God loves you,
Vincent

Week 5 #2: Response!

Week 5!

Phew.. the topic was hard to write and even harder to response, a reason being is how should I response to people's relationship with God? But as I read the entries by the participants, there are things that I could relate to.

When I read Achillia's entry, there are phrases that caught my attention immediately.

"countless ups and downs"
I experience the ups and downs every a few months. In the past, I got discouraged easily when I had the 'downs' and thus I became distant from God. As I discovered more about God, I've learnt that God will allow the devil to tempt us and we must be able to depend on Him and ask Him to give us the graces, the strengths that we need to overcome the temptation. Well, it's either you make it or you break it.

We also need to remember when we have the 'ups' because these moments remind us what God has done in our life, hence we could regain our faith during the bad time. From here, we will know that God never leaves us. God never failed to save me when I was in the darkness.

"On the way to...a short conversation"
I know that I'm not the only one and now I have a proof. Yippie! =) I often talk to God also when I'm on the bus to school. Usually it starts like this "God, I have a plan to do ... today, do You think it's good? If no then please reveal to me Your plan" or just telling Him whatever I have in mind, since He knows everything. No point lying to God, right? =p

Recently, I learnt how to use a song to communicate with Him, it's even interesting, because I like to sing (but I don't have a good voice to be in choir =p) and the lyrics are beautiful. For example: "Angels among us" by Alabama. The chorus goes like this

Oh.. I believe there are angels among us,
sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
to show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love.

Isn't it beautiful? I love to sing it when I feel down, then I'll start thinking of my guardian angels and all the 'angels' that I have encountered in my life. Sometimes, a sincere smile could bring happiness to others; it is the simplest act that 'angels' could do. Don't you want to be angels for others too?

"enjoy the beautiful moments"
Life in Singapore is very fast, sometimes I don't even know why I do things so quickly. When I was in sec 3, I was famous for eating my lunch in 3,5 minutes (my friend actually used stopwatch to measure it! -.-"). Because of the fast pace, we often forget to realise the beautiful things that God has given us. When we are too busy with life, let us remind ourselves to stop and smell the flower.

"I would just recite the official Our Father quickly"
There are times when we couldn't pray and just recite the common Catholic prayer; Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be. It's not wrong, especially when we encounter spiritual dryness and to pray is the most difficult thing to do. Well, don't forget to be on our knees and ask Him to help us to pray, to experince Him and His great love. Sounds weird, but it works.

(All photos are from personal collection)

~Extra~

As expected, a friend commented that I sound like a pharisee in the previous entry haha...

Well, if I read such entry, I will think the same, but I'm just telling the truth. =p

The past 1 year, I've lost almost all my friends whom I used to hang out with because we have nothing in common anymore. In fact, they could bring bad influences for me. However, God replaced them with many, many new friends in the Church. Well, I've known many friends (mostly Catholics) from different parishes, nationalities, interests, etc. I've even made friends with religious sisters/brothers and also missionary priests in other countries.

I learnt a lot from them, especially those who do not reside in Singapore. Many of them do not have the privilege that we have here, especially daily mass. An island near my hometown in Indonesia only have Mass once a month due to lack of priests, whereas in my parish in Indonesia, daily mass is only once a day; Monday, Wednesday and Saturday in the morning (5.30am) and Tuesday, Thursday and Friday in the evening (6pm). Usually I can only attend the evening ones.

That's why I started attended daily mass here, so many Churches with different timing. I can choose to attend morning mass, lunch-time mass and evening mass, I've not heard any country like Singapore; 30 Churches islandwide and all have daily mass at least twice a day. What a blessing!

Attending daily mass is a way of saying thank you to God for the privilege that I have in Singapore. =)

Week 5 #1: My Relationship with God

I really had no idea what I should write this week. I could say it's the most difficult among the five! I thought about it from Monday to Thursday and still nothing. Yesterday, I was able to do self reflection about my relationship with Him and I was quite surprised to know that my relationship is better than I thought.

A few days ago, I talked to my friend that my relationship with God was like a rollercoaster. Up and down always, but I was wrong. My relationship with Him now is quite steady, BUT sometimes my emotion is like a rollercoaster, especially with the people around me. The reason is simply because I know that God won't let bad things happen to me, but people are imperfect and they could easily be deceived and tempted by satan, just like Eve in the book of Genesis, to harm to others.

Jesus commanded us to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind..." (Luke 10:27). Honestly, this is not difficult if you know God. However, Jesus commanded us to love our neighbour (Matthew 22:39) and also our enemy (Matthew 5:44), why? Probably because they are the same people! =p It won't make sense if I say that I love God and yet I don't love my enemies/friends.

I think my personal prayer life is not so bad. I TRY to do Liturgy of the Hours (LoTH) daily, sometimes I attend mass in parishes where the LoTH is done together to keep me motivated, such as in the Church of Holy Cross where it is done before morning and evening mass and in Immaculate Heart of Mary Church where the youths gather to pray the evening prayer (Vesper) after the evening Mass with a priest. Well, maybe we can have it in the Church of Risen Christ in the future.

Liturgy of The Hours is the prayer of the Church. The early Christians did it daily because Mass was celebrated only once a week. However, when Latin language was introduced, many people couldn't do it anymore, because Latin was the language for the rich people. Thus, people started to pray Rosary instead. Since Vatican II, the Church has been trying to get the laity to pray LoTH. It is not a devotional prayer (like Divine Mercy/Rosary), but it's the prayer of the Church and by right, every Catholics should pray it, just like Muslims pray 5 times a day.

I also try to pray Rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet daily although I often fail terribly when I’m lazy or deceived by the media (Internet!). Actually, I was inspired to do this by a priest who prays this every morning. He described it as if these were his breakfast. Therefore, I believe it would be good if I could do the same.

I try to have personal time in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament at least once a week, it is to keep me aware of the presence of God in my life; to talk to God personally about everything that's been going around in my life. In addition, I also try to attend daily Mass, so that I can listen to the Word of God and receive Jesus in the Sacrament of Eucharist. If I can't attend mass, I try to read the readings for the day (Subscribe to God is my oxygen, it's good!).

Another important aspect is Sacrament of Reconciliation. When I started to do it regularly, I thought receiving forgiveness from God, but as I read more and understand the meaning of it. This sacrament is to receive God's grace to overcome my weaknesses and to be aware of my sinfulness and unworthiness. I realised during the time when I was a lapsed Catholic, I didn't go confession for years, I wasn't aware of my sinfulness simply because it became a habit, such as the eight commandment; You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, in short, gossiping. How many of us guilty of it? =p

In order to have a good relationship with God, I need to obey His commandments and to do things that will please Him. I used to have double life (just like a superhero!), let's called it the good and the bad. In Church, I could be an angel to everyone, but outside, I could be mean and inconsiderate person. I realised that God won't be pleased, so I TRY to be the good person all the time now. Well, I still fail every now and then.

I'm still striving for holiness, it's along way to go. Two years from now, I want to be a better person in every aspect. It will be tough, but not impossible. =)

This entry isn't to boast how holy I am, because I'm still a sinner and often fail in the journey, but I don't give up because I know that God loves me so much that He wants me to TRY my best to be closer to Him. Honestly, when I started to have personal relationship with God, I only pray 1 Our Father, 1 Hail Mary and 1 Glory be in the evening, I couldn't even pray spontaneously (Now you know how terrible I was). I feel blessed and thankful that He led me to where I am now. If I can, why you can't?